Tension

And just few hours ago I felt the surge of tension as indicated by the intensive heartbeat, only I lay my butt perfectly on the seat, scrolling through the journals.

It is so irony that I hate to burn mid night oil but still the situation is persisting.

At least I feel good this time as compare to other time as I am not pressured by other people,

and the reason I do it is really because I want to do it. Although partially the reason is still caused by time pressure, yet the effect is reducing to a smaller number which I consider within an acceptable level.

And without I even realizing it, I have lived on someone expectation, just like anyone of you.

And I believe i'm still doing it. I can't avoid it just like i can't live without oxygen. but i know there are times where i can just hold my breath, so that i can realize i still can live for quite some time even without it, though eventually i will be feeling suffocated and know how much it meant to me.